It's common knowledge that there is such a lack of creativity in Hollywood nowadays that the studios have stooped to developing older films, TV shows and video games into new movies. I have usually been able to file these under a subsection of folders in my brain:
B:\Documents and Settings\Zip\My Documents\Films\Remakes\Decent
B:\Documents and Settings\Zip\My Documents\Films\Remakes\Not Worthy
B:\Documents and Settings\Zip\My Documents\Films\Remakes\Utter Crap
"Decent" means that it lived up or paid proper respect to the original source material while, at the same time, being a decent film in its own right. This would include The Manchurian Candidate, Walking Tall, Resident Evil, Dawn of the Dead and Scooby Doo 2. Yeah, I said Scooby Doo 2. Wanna fight about it?
"Not Worthy" means that it might have been a somewhat decent film on its own but was not a worthy tribute or successor to the original. This would include The Stepford Wives, Thunderbirds, Garfield, Around the World in 80 Days and the first Scooby Doo.
"Utter Crap" is reserved for movies that not only misrepresent the original source material but are just horribly made altogether. Of course, the one that started it all was Super Mario Brothers, but over the past couple of years, this category has really begun to fill up with other bad video game movies like Resident Evil 2, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider 1 & 2, and anything by Uwe Boll (House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and the upcoming BloodRayne), but there are a few non-game related like The Ladykillers and Starsky and Hutch that really chapped my hide.
There are a few upcoming remakes that will re-chap my hide...
Guess Who, which opens this weekend, is a remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. The original was somewhat of a statement for its time, and I can see how reversing the race of the characters would make it relevant for modern times. But why make it a flat-out comedy? Why make fun of racism instead of actually dealing with the issue? Plus, there is NO WAY that Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac could live up to the chemistry between Spencer Tracy and Sidney Poitier. Not even close.
The Pink Panther is another forehead-slapper. I love Steve Martin, but this is not his schtick. He is way out of his league. I weep to think that anyone would have the balls to try and fill Peter Sellers' shoes as Inspector Clouseau. Besides, Geoffrey Rush has already done it brilliantly, but at least he did it as Peter Sellers!
But now I have learned of another travesty. The classic TV show "The Honeymooners" has been made into a movie. Oh yes. Feel the pain. Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton are coming to the big screen this summer. But who will be filling the legendary shoes of Jackie "The Great One" Gleason and Mr. Art Carney? Why, none other than Cedric the (Hack) Entertainer and Mike "Needs A New Agent" Epps. Oh yes. Feel the intense pain. Wanna go for all out agony? Watch the trailer here.
What's next? All the President's Men with Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville? No, wait...that's The Dukes of Hazzard. DAMMIT!!!!
I've put up with it to this point, but I can't take it any longer. I have hit 16 different levels of pissed off that I have never hit before. I am so sick of Hollywood ruining everything that is good and pure with entertainment, and I'm even more sick of the American public allowing it to happen. Yeah, that's right...We the People. We are the ones who allow it. Movies keep getting worse because people keep going to see them. See the trend? Crap movie + people seeing it = profit. Studios + profit = make more crap. More crap = more profit. Studios = Bastards. American movie-going audiences + watching more crap = Nation of Idiots! Bottom line = STOP WATCHING CRAP MOVIES!!!
So who's really to blame? The studios for making crap, or the audiences for supporting crap. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, can it still order out for pizza? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if I honestly gave a rat's ass?
The same attitude applies to the crummy state of our society today. I love my country, but I hate what this country and its people have become. Why does Brad and Jen's divorce/seperation/whateverthefuckitis get the headline and the Social Security issue get a small byline somewhere on the next page? Why has Michael Jackson's escapades with a few little boys taken precidence over the thousands of little boys across our country who are unable to have their illnesses treated because their parents can't afford health insurance? What happened to GOOD TASTE in this country? When did it all start going to Hell? The media wouldn't report it if the people didn't want to hear it...right? Or did the media just start reporting trash and the people went along with it? Are we that gullible? Are we not intelligent enough to decipher for ourselves what we should be interested in? Maybe that's why it's called 'media for the masses'...
I want to fight the system, but I don't know where to start.
God, my head hurts......
Posted by Zip at March 22, 2005 09:18 AM